My Dad was diagnosed in October 2021 with mesothelioma. I remember the build up to his diagnosis very well. We had been away on our annual family trip to Wales in August 2021 where he was struggling with shoulder pain. It wasn’t unusual for my Dad to have aches and pains; he was a carpenter and at 65 he was still grafting away and planning on retiring in six months time.
His retirement was going to be filled with finishing jobs around his and my mum’s home, where they have lived just shy of 40 years. He had renovated the garden and built an amazing extension, outbuilding and shed. Every detail, every structure, all had been crafted by himself. He was a skilful and dedicated professional to carpentry and could put his hand to anything. He was the one you would always call on when you had anything that needed fixing, whether it be a job around the home, the grandkids bikes needing some TLC or car trouble, no job was ever too big or too small. He could fix anything!
After returning from our family trip, he started to get a cough that wouldn’t shift, and the cleaning products being used at work (covid precautions were still being carried out) were really aggravating his chest.
Before this point I don’t have a single memory of my dad having a sick day off work, even if he was a bit run down, he would still be up at 5:30 and driving his van into London for a full day’s graft.
So even hearing he was going to the doctors, we knew something wasn’t right. I took him to his hospital appointment where they scanned him and he was sent straight to A&E, I had to call my mum who was at work at the time, and she wouldn’t take me seriously – Dad was a practical joker and so naturally she thought we were having her on. If only!
Mum has told me since that the day of the official diagnosis, they sat on a bench and cried. They met young and had always been by each other’s side.
The months following felt scary and unknown, dad was so strong, but we also started noticing a very different side of him, a very emotional side. Sometimes we couldn’t get out the words of just how devastating this journey was, a look or a hand on the shoulder would speak a million words.
Dad underwent a trial operation in December 2021 which removed the lining of the lung and heart as well as three-quarters of his left lung where the cancer was present. This operation slowed down the cancer’s progression and without a doubt gave us another two years with him. His recovery after the operation was tough, he was always very active, loved walking the dog and playing golf, so having to rest up wasn’t a natural feeling for him. Six months into his recovery, he installed a new kitchen in his home. It was unbelievable watching him grafting away and comforting to see him back in his happy place again.
His perseverance and hard work was contagious and as a family we knew that by entering ourselves into fundraising challenges for Mesothelioma UK, it would keep us all positive.
My brother ran a local half marathon and still is raising money through dad’s golf club at their captain’s day competition.
My partner and I climbed the Three Peaks, and at the top of Scafell Pike, Snowdon and even Ben Nevis, we FaceTimed my parents to show them the view. At this time there was a song “On top of the World” by Imagine Dragons which Dad loved to sing to, and he would send it over to our family WhatsApp group as his “song of the day”. This song would later be played at his funeral and is still on my running playlist to give me that extra push when I need it.
Dad loved sharing the JustGiving pages and seeing the donations coming in, each with their own message of support which always meant so much to him.
As a family, we have always been close, so the days together were still spent the same during this time. The days I value the most are the days of simplicity: bike rides followed by BBQs at my parents’ house or his Sunday roasts (he also had a passion for cooking).
I remember Dad comparing his diagnosis to having a ticking time bomb inside him, and he knew he had to make the most of everything he could.
The following year, Mum and Dad celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary with multiple trips away. They went on a beautiful holiday to Crete. The photos and FaceTimes are memories to cherish as Dad looked so well.
Sadly, soon after he came home he felt unwell, and this led to the devastating news that the cancer was active again and had spread to his right lung. He underwent radiotherapy and immunotherapy, which stripped him of his active personality. This was tough, and the days were spent making sure he was comfortable and warm. My mum got signed off work to care for Dad. It was a time for all of us to feel scared again.
Dad suddenly and unexpectedly passed away while he was in hospital receiving treatment in January this year. We weren’t prepared at that stage to say our goodbyes and it is still a hard acceptance eight months on. One thing I take great peace in is that he knew how loved he was and, in the final moments, I know he carried that feeling and took that with him as he left this world.
Navigating through grief is so hard, as a family we have lost our core person, but we all find strength being together and doing all the things he loved, from blackberry picking, going to the ice cream farm, DIY projects to paddle boarding. Everything we do, we talk about him whilst doing it.
As a family we are continuing to raise money for Mesothelioma UK, we know how important research into treatment is as well as supporting more families in the future.
My Dad was very close to his grandchildren, especially his eldest grandson Callum, so naturally it only seemed right to enter a fundraising event in his memory together. We have just run the Great North Run which was a wonderful experience.
One thing Dad asked of me was to share the Three Peaks’ photos so it would be published in the newsletter – so I thought I would do this write up for him. We have raised over £10,000 in total for Mesothelioma UK. I know how proud he was of this, and I am glad we are continuing to do so in his memory.
In loving memory of David Purkiss, a much-loved Grandad, Dad and Husband, forever 67 years young.
